Jealousy Sucks

So BB and I had a talk Monday night and things are better than they were. In a nutshell he's not used to having someone interested in his life and i'm not used to wanting to know what's going on in someone's life. There are times when I feel like we don't connect, but when we do it's like we've known each other forever.

We talked for two hours, the first hour of course being about us and where this is going. Even though some of his friends are catching on, he still wants to categorize us as "friends." It's extremely frustrating for me. I've set a deadline for Labor Day, and if he doesn't have the paperwork in process for his divorce i'm calling it quits. I'm not asking him to call everyone up and say i'm his girlfriend. I'm also not going to run to the top of the tallest building and scream out "i'm going to have BB's babies! We're going to have beautiful biking children! Our firstborn will be named Lance!" EEEKS. I'm not ready for that whatsoever.

This weekend he went camping with a couple of friends. One of which I will call Buddy. Buddy goes biking with BB all the time. I swear they have a better relationship than we do. After they got back from camping/biking today, they were heading to the movies. I can't help but feel jealous, I haven't seen BB in over three weeks. It's killing me knowing that he's spending more time with Buddy than he ever will with me. BB has alot to do at his house, paperwork,etc. The moment Buddy calls, he's out the door going biking, movies, dinner - whatever mainly because he doesn't know when to say no and deal with his responsibilities. Thank god Buddy is going away to college in a few weeks, I am so excited. I can't believe i'm jealous of his friend. I never thought I would turn into jealous chick.

So he's coming to see me next weekend. BB would like us to go out on a real "date" and I hope we do. I think we need to backtrack and get to know each other better.

As The World Turns...

I'm sure the four readers that read my blog are curious if i'm still seeing Biker Boy. The answer is yes - but only once in a while. Considering he lives on the other side of the state, it makes it difficult to see each other every weekend. The additional cost of gas and extra expenses like dinner are stretching my budget pretty thin.

The last time I saw BB was over the Fourth of July. I went over to Grand Rapids, and hung out for a few days. We went canoeing with his friends on Saturday. Here I was thinking - he's mentioned that we're seeing each other. Instead he called me his "friend." Everyone knew that something was going on between us, but I didn't say anything and unfortunately neither did he.

I know i'm being a total girl and it's driving me crazy. I haven't been in a "relationship" that has lasted this long in over 10 years. I'm trying to be understanding, but at the same time my patience is wearing thin.

This weekend he had a biking race in Ithaca. Nick was part of his team (there were four of them) and BB originally asked me to come on Saturday. My concern was that not only his friends were going to be there, but Sue was going to come over with Kelly and hang out as well. Kelly has been pining for BB for a few months now, and while she's not competition, it's a weird situation. I asked him, "what do I say when I show up and they ask me why the heck are you here?" BB responds by saying, "I'll just walk up to you and plant a big kiss" Then, two days later he tells me it will be too hot and I won't have any fun, and blah blah blah. Originally I thought he was being honest, but my neurotic side takes over and I can't help but think he still wants to keep me a secret.

The longer we hide this, the worse I feel. And I don't like feeling this way. It's not fair to me. I think it's time for a talk and if he doesn't say what I want him to say, I'm going to have to walk away from this.

Sunday Update

Twisted told me I need to blog more. So here I am. Let's see what has happened:

Jordan officially got engaged to stockboy last weekend. I am also now officially standing in my 5th wedding. She knew he had bought the ring, because a thankyou card came in the mail. She didn't see it in any of the drawers though so she had no idea when he was going to propose. He proposed by shoving a ring box into her ribs. What a romantic.

The date is October 2009 and the color is Peridot. Light green on a blonde, blue eyed pale individual. I have one year and two months to lose 40lbs. and get a tan.

Met up with Amy over the 4th of July. She seems to be doing well, about 4 months pregnant now. You can tell she's off her meds, and I hope she can keep it together for another 5 months. I definitely feel for her, it's not going to be easy. Her baby shower is coming up in October, and she wants me to crochet a baby blanket. I'm waiting for her to let me know what colors she wants.

I got a new vehicle! I had to turn in my Pontiac G6 in September for lease, and went shopping. I ended up with a 2008 Saturn Vue. It's a pretty blue and i'm loving the fact I sit higher. :) Since it was built in Mexico i've decided to name it Paco. I'm crazy, I know it. Who the hell names their vehicle?