What the hell am I doing?

I honestly have no idea what I am doing. Biker boy and I are practically dating now. We started out just chatting through email and an occasional phone call. He broke his collarbone the weekend after we saw each other at Sue's baby shower. I went over to Grand Rapids to hang out and help him with anything since he has no use of one arm. Now we hang out at each other's homes, driving 2.5 hours just to see each other practically every weekend. It's really pathetic.

He's not my type either. BB has some of the smallest arms and hands i've ever seen on a man. When he was younger he was actually really thin. His bike racing and long distance running contributed to that. He's kinda hairy, maybe 5'10"? But he's smart (mechanical engineer), sweet, and thinks i'm beautiful. He's comfortable with my independence and is not intimidated by me which usually turns guys away.

He's also still very married. They are starting the process of divorce, but I can't help but think i'm a rebound girl. BB says i'm not, but this is a huge change in his life and he needs emotional support.

This whole month has been a roller coaster for me. I don't know if I can stay on the ride, the ups and downs I deal with every day is getting to be exhausting. We're totally in the "three month - oooo phase." I'm trying not to get too attached or serious about him, for fear i'm going to get my heart broken. And I know for a fact that if one of my friends was in this situation I would be saying "what the hell is she thinking?" and totally rip him apart. So until I meet Jordan's main squeeze next weekend, i'm going to refrain from any more opinions of stock boy until I actually meet him face to face.

Baby Mama Drama

I'm sitting here at work doing some freelance (the network connection is faster here than at home) and I figured while I wait for something to load I would catch people up. I haven't had the energy to blog lately.

About two weeks ago I got a call from Amy. Remember when I said she was trying to get preggers? Well, you guessed it. She's knocked up. I'm still not sure how she'll be on her meds and pregnant at the same time. She's on depression and anxiety meds. If she can't be on anything she will be very hard to deal with.

Amy has already says she wants me to make her a baby blanket. Why I have no idea. I told her it would be crooked. I haven't been doing this for very long. She doesn't care. So i'll make her a blanket. Maybe I won't have to buy much else.

Weekend o' fun

I went to my parents this past weekend. I took a few days off and it was nice to not work a full week. I met up with Jordan on Saturday night. It was the first time I’ve seen her since November.

She’s doing ok, but I would say we talked for over a hour about her wedding. No, she’s not engaged. She’s assuming he’ll propose by her birthday, but honestly who knows. I may actually get out of being a bridesmaid with this one! I would be honored of course if she asked me, but I have too many dresses in my closets already.

After a hour of talking about her imaginary wedding I had to change the subject. What if he doesn’t propose any time soon? I wonder how she’ll take it. I also wonder how long she’s willing to wait. It does sound like she’s happy. Either that or she’s just resigned to the fact that this is the best she can do. Who knows.

Saw my nephew Zack and unfortunately I didn’t bring my camera with me. Next time I will definitely get some updated shots so I can post them. He’s such a cutie. The favorite word right now is NO. He says it constantly and to throw him for a loop, we’ll say WHY. He’s usually stunned for at least a minute.

Went to yet another shower. This time it is for my friends Sue and Nick. She’s due beginning of June. I’m happy for her. They have been trying to have a baby for three years. I know they want more kids and hopefully they’ll be able to.

I said I would help setting up for the shower, but I had no idea I would be on my feet for the next five hours. The only advantage of hanging out there for so long was seeing Nick’s friend. We’ll call him Biker Boy. BB is a funny guy. I remember him from three years ago, but don’t remember the conversation or anything. We seemed to have a connection. He’s smart, funny, and cute. Minus side is he’s married. Possible plus side for me is that his wife left three months ago without a reason. We’re chatting online, and I don’t have any expectations. Who knows?